Again, thanks everyone. Hannelore, thanks for that quote, I will print it off. I also remembered that I have a really good book that I should dig out called "Lost Boys and the Mothers Who Love Them" It's a Christian book with personal stories, some have happy endings, some don't. I remember I found it helpful when I read it.
I am distancing myself from my son and will no longer do anything for him from here on in.(I'm working on sticking to that) When he was at my house I called my ex who lives five minutes away and asked him to come over and talk to him as I knew he was going to lash out at me. He wouldn't, said he has his own problems. My ex used to behave the same way my son treats me, abusive. I'm on my own when dealing with him. He never goes to his fathers house and yells at him. He is respectful to him, a father that does nothing for him. There is a lesson to be learned from this. I guess I have tried to be both parents to my son as I felt bad for him that his own father rejects him and has done since he was 11. No more excuses though. I need to work on taking care of myself, my other two children and learn how to stop being a fixer and a people pleaser. Narnon is a good place to start.
Kate