I have found the following essay under the daily OM, and have changed it somewhat to fit your situation. I hope it helps you see clearly, Kate, and that these words give you the strength to move on.

Quote:


Freeing Yourself and Knowing When To Let Someone Go


Just as a good Mother/Son relationship can have a positive impact on one's life, stressful, draining, or imbalanced relationships can have negative effects on your health and well-being. It's common to maintain a relationship because we feel the other person needs us or we believe that they will eventually change. We may also be afraid of hurting the other person. But knowing when to end a relationship and acknowledging that the pain will pass can often prevent greater pain and feelings of loss in the long run.

If this relationship has become unhealthy for you and the rest of your family, rather than spending energy attempting to fix the problem or complaining, ask yourself what you really want from the relationship. Consider whether your son truly considers your feelings or if he is willing to change his behavior. While every relationship has ups and downs, when there are more downs than ups or the two of you are bringing out the worst in each other, it may be time to sever the connection, even if he is your son.

Every relationship thrives on honesty, communication, mutual caring, and time spent together. When one or more of these elements are missing, it may be that the relationship, no matter how passionate, simply isn't worth it. It's far better to end a relationship that doesn't feel right than to hold on to it and languish in feelings of anger or resentment. Moving on without struggle, on the other hand, can be the door that leads you to a more nurturing relationship in the future. Your son will always be your son. that will never change, but you have responsibilities towards your other children, and they have to be now your first priority.