I appreciate your comments. Thanks Casey, glad you can relate. Gimster, I appreciate your asking what you/others can do to help.
I have an appointment tomorrow with my doctor. I will talk to her about my overwhelming feelings, my stress, depression.That should help me a bit as we have a good connection. I have also been given a number of a social worker at the John Howard Society to call and talk to. She is very experienced (over 20 years) Her input will help I'm sure as believe it or not, I am not alone in this. It's more common then we know.
I guess for me the hardest part is to see him this way. I just don't understand it and have done everything I could do to help him. It's soooooo frustrating. I really need to let go of him and let him work things out, although at the same time I fear for his safety. He really needs to see professionals who know how to deal with his many problems. I don't know how to help him. I've exhausted all of my options. I feel an overwhelming guilt at times that I should of, could have done more. But I know that is not realistic. Someone mentioned in an earlier post that I should try to look at it like he is not my son at the moment. The little boy I raised is not there, just the drug addicted person he is now. I need to accept that this is his reality and stop trying to be his saviour. Another thing I read that I can relate to in another post. "You are not God"
That hits home for me as I feel like I have to fix him, I have to change him,I have to help him. It's my job, I'm his mother. I struggle with these feelings and go back and forth. Should I help him, I shouldn't help him. Logically I know he needs outside help, he's sick and his problems are way over my head. All I do by helping him is prolong his hitting rock bottom.
Tommorow is another day, I need to take it one day at a time.
Kate