Well things went down hill on Friday. Apparently my son has to fill out paperwork before he can get on the waiting list for treatment. I thought it was all arranged and he was just waiting for a bed. Not so, there is a procedure to follow and he is not taking all the steps to put this in place. When I found out that he didn't do everything necessary to get on the waiting list I gave him an ultimatum. This past Friday he had been at my home for 14 days. It was only to be for 7 days as that is how long it takes to get a bed, if everything is all completed correctly. My son did call the treatment centre, but avoided doing the other things that had to be put into place before he goes. He is the worlds biggest procrastinator.
Anyway last Thursday night I told him he had been here long enough and that he had until Friday to get everything done in order to go to treatment. He said he would. I let him know that I needed proof that the paperwork was filled out or he would have to leave. I suggested he go to his Dad's as a plan" B". They don't have a great relationship and his Dad has never had him at his house since we got divorced 10 years ago, it always falls on me. When I came home from work on Friday my son was still home. He said he forgot to go down and set everything up so he could get on the waiting list. I reminded him that I made it very clear the night before as to what he had to do, I also woke him up in the morning before I went to work and reminded him again.
He left me no choice. I asked him to leave and not to come back. I said I hope you set up treatment and I wished him well but told him his stay with me was over. He asked if he could stay, said he would do it on Monday but I knew the chances of that were almost zero. It was hard to go through with it but I had to follow through.
He left and went to a friends, another drug user. I called him later and said that I dropped all his things off at his Dads and that he was welcome to stay there for a few days. Said maybe longer if he tried to work things out with him. Their relationship is not good and his Dad basically has had nothing to do with him since he was 13. But, I can't always be the one who picks up the pieces and told his dad he needs to step up to the plate.
I live on the westcoast and in the winter it rains. This winter we just got hit with a huge snow storm like Seattle and parts of Washington. My son came to my door last night and asked to come in. It was 11:30 at night and I was in bed. Although it was really hard to do I had to tell him he could not come in. It was snowing and cold but if I let him in, he would know that I am a push over. The history for the past few years is that he hangs out on the street, does drugs then bangs on my door usually in the middle of the night begging to come in. He does not just bang for a while and then go away. He yells through the door and has been known to knock for hours which drives me insane and then I let him in because I can't take the knocking. He knows this. I'm in a newer house now but when he lived with me he would just break the glass in the door and let himself in. I had to pay to get the glass fixed and then he would break it again. So last night I told him to walk to his fathers which is only a 15 minute walk. He asked to use the phone to call him, another trick then he pushes the door in. This time I threw the phone out fast so he couldn't get in. He then started to bang on the door again. I told him through the door to go to his Dad's, said I had done all I could. He continued to bang and yell but finally left. I opened the door to get the phone and found he had smashed it to pieces. He never did go to his Dad's. I couldn't sleep. Felt guilty for sending him away as it was snowing and cold but did what I had to do. It sounds harsh but if I don't stick to my word, he will walk all over me like he did in the past. I thought after a year in jail that he would make better choices but he is reverting quickly back to his old ways. I called his Dad today and he said he hasn't heard from him. He must still be hanging out with his friends. I'm sure he will be back again because typically his friends start to resent his freeloading and then they kick him out. I hope he doesn't come back because in the past neighbors have called the police and so have I had to. I don't want to do this but if things escalates I may have to and he will end up back in jail. I just wish I didn't feel so guilty. When he wouldn't leave I told him he was being a real jerk and wish I didn't say that. I've been trying really hard this time to be respectful but firm. In the past I would lose it with him and say hurtful things to him, mainly because he was damaging my property or upsetting my other kids.
I am worried and upset but at the same time angry with him and so disappointed. I really thought that after a year in jail he would get it. It appears he doesn't.
Kate