Thanks Dotsie,
I'm Canadian so already had our Thanksgiving. I hope everyone has a nice American Thanksgiving though. My wonderful boyfriend has bought me plane tickets as he knows I need to get away. I will be going to a ski resort for a week with him where he lives. He lives in the east coast, I live on the West coast just above Seattle. He will take good care of me and will make sure I'm pampered. I've been on my own for 10 years so having him around is quite special. I have to pinch myself at times. Although he lives 3,000 miles away we talk daily and he is very supportive. Also, I belong to a group of women that got together when we all had acting out young teens. Most were quite serious cases, drug addiction, prostitution, nothing nice and simple. There was a group in town supported by the United Way that sets up these types of places for parents that are at their wits end, although it's totally run by volunteers. Our group decided to meet for coffee once a week to just discuss ourselves, rather than our kids. We have been meeting every Saturday morning for 7 years now. Most of our kids have moved past their issues but a couple, including mine have not. Anyway, for our birthdays we all get together and for the big ones, (mine was 50) we give $100 gift certificates to a spa. So, I got one and just have to get myself to go. I am very thankful for these women and others in my life, including this forum.
It's amazing though with such support sometimes you still feel alone and on your own as only you can make decisions and choices when it comes to your kids. I told my son he has until November 28th. That will mean that I have left him live at my home, rent free for 16 days. It only takes 7 to 10 days to get into treatment. He has been dragging his heels, out at night drinking and possibly using drugs. After the 28th he cannot stay any longer. I plan to have my locks changed as I know he has a key and probably made copies. I told him I hope he sticks to his plan but that I understand whatever he does it is his choice. He had a huge list when he got out of jail but ignores it now. It is my choice as to what is acceptable behavior in my home so as long as he is respectful he can stay until the 28th. After that he is on his own. My old self would nag him, drive him to set up appointments, do anything to keep him on track. But, it never worked. I was just run ragged and he continued to take advantage. At the end of the month he is 22 and keeps telling me to stay out of his business as he is an adult. So that is what I plan to do. I told him what I expect and if he follows through that's great, but if he doesn't he is on his own. A tough decision but one I had to make for myself and my other children.
Thanks everyone for your comments and concern and I will keep you posted. I hope this is helpful to others going through similar situations. We cannot save them by doing everything for them, I learned that the hard way by enabling him for years thinking I was helping.
Kate