Thanks, I asked my son to leave for a few days. I suggested his fathers. He agreed although reluctantly. I told him in order to come back he must have treatment set up by Monday at the latest. That requires him to go down to the drug and alcohol office. They are the only place that will give him a referral. Without this referral the treatment centre won't take him. He has been putting this off but agreed to go on Monday morning. When he has the paperwork he can come back until he gets called in. They put them on a waiting list. He can only stay until the 28th of November and he knows this. He should get called within 7 days at the latest. I know his visit at his fathers will be a disaster and he probably won't end up staying there but at least he may realize how much I do for him. He told me alot of what I read on his msn was joking around. He said he does plan to have some drinks tonight as it is his birthday party with his friends. If all goes well he will be in treatment on his birthday (Nov 30) We did have a good talk at least and he told me that I don't understand how hard it is for him. He says he is really tempted but has not done much. Told me he smoked a joint at his friends but that is it. He says because he is going to treatment he wants to have a good time at his party which will include drinking. He tells me that he is almost 22 and that is what 22 year old guys do. Says I just don't understand how hard it is for him. I told him I do understand but that he is an unhealthy 22 year old with addictions and he should not be drinking or smoking pot. I think he realizes this but just doesn't want to face up to it. He has been addicted to drugs and alcohol since age 15. Crack cocaine mainly. I know it must be really hard for him to have all this freedom now especially since he did not get any counseling in jail. Anyway the good thing is he took my request to go to his Dad's and agreed to leave. This is very unlike him. In the past he would yells and scream and break things and refuse to leave basically holding us hostage. I had to call the police to remove him a few times and often the neighbors would beat me to it. He said he is trying his best. So we will see how it goes next week.
The one thing I did learn when dealing with this situation is if you give them a time out, basically say you have to leave for a few days, they seem to go along with this and then behave better at least for a while. If you kick them out with no chance of returning, they dig their heels in and refuse and then it gets messy. I wish I knew this years ago as I think it would have helped. In the end though you can only give them so many changes and then you just have to shut the door and don't let them back until they have been clean for at least a year.
Thanks for your concern.
Kate