Ann, as your friends are saying here, your shame may be real to you, yet you have nothing to be ashamed of. The shame belongs to the perpetrator of abuse, and you have taken it on as your own. You don't need to feel that shame. Your shame is actually a lie; your abuser(s) lied to you when they projected the shame onto you. Let them take the shame back where it belongs. Shame does not belong in the heart of the authentic you which is full of love and light. I'd like to address something Donna said: "I think it is our duty as survivors to tell our stories to others and educate them that what is happening must stop." I used to think it was a duty, but then realized not every one has the calling to tell their story. Each person is responsible only for their own healing first. IF that person/survivor feels a calling, a mission, a passion to tell her story to benefit others, then that is GREAT. It is only through advocacy and education that DV will be alleviated. However, it is not the duty of the survivor to tell her story. You see, that puts even more burden on the survivor: she may ask of herself this: I lived it, I survived it, and now it's my duty to talk about it? Not everyone has a voice to share their story. That's why there are people like Dianne who take on the mission to share...so that others who are suffering do not feel as though they are alone. I tell my story with courage, compassion, and conviction that MY truth had to be told for OTHERS. But I don't expect every other survivor to take on the task of telling. Yes, we must tell our stories in therapy or in group support, but to treat sharing as a duty is sometimes too much to ask of a survivor who has been through hell. I agree with Dianne about semantics: to thrive empowers the victim/survivor. October is domestic violence awareness month. Dianne's book is the perfect choice! Meanwhile, Ann, know that you are not alone, and that you don't have to feel ashamed anymore.