Oh Chatty, you sure did say what was exactly on my mind too!

How old is your daughter Craftyone? She sounds that she is as immature as the groom. She needs a backbone to stand up to her inlaws or she is in big trouble in the future.

I say separate showers too. Do not apologize to anyone about what you can or cannot do financially. This is your husbands and your decision alone...not even your daughter's. Don't ask for any money from the inlaws, just continue with what you planned and tell them that you would have no objection to them throwing another shower. And if you don't get invited...well, so what.

I am glad my Italian family is nothing like what you describe with your daughter's inlaws. Get ready for these same problems for years to come. After the wedding there will probably be a baby shower, christenings, birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Good Luck...you have your hands full. Be strong and listen to your husband. He is right.