When people in our family get married there are several showers. Each family has one, friends throw one, co-workers, whatever. My point is that each family has one...and the crazy thing is that we usually invite people from the new family too, meaning you would invite the Mom and her immediate family and maybe a dear friend, close sister, whatever. Then she in turn has a shower for her family and friends and includes you, etc.

Might you be able to suggest that you have two showers?

I think that's a good compromise.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You know your limits both personally and financially. Stick to them.
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