Deb asked - Did you always think that people could change or did you come to this opinion with experience?? Unfortunately I had to experience it, because my parents taught me that people do not change. But in my case, my hubby had a choice. If he kept going the way he did, I was not going to be around much longer for him to abuse (not physically). I did not give him any ultimatum, I just told him I wanted a divorce. He decided on his own to quit drinking. He also decided to go back to church. And honestly it was our church that really affected him. He changed tremendously. And yes, I did too. Actually, I was the one that realized I needed to do something and because one person in the relationship changes, its like upsetting an apple cart. The others have to follow, or it just is not going to work. In my case, I was a doormat for many years of my life. I allowed him to do any thing he wanted with no consequences. I had no boundaries. I was given some powerful tools and with the grace of God, we learned together and have a better marriage today than ever. ANd we are now married 31 yrs. I truly believe that our family of origin has alot to do with how we are.
You also asked - I wonder if this is the situation with your alcoholic husband, he was sick and is now recovered?? Yes, alcoholism is a disease. And if you think about it - not all diseases can be cured. He is not cured - he is recovering. He will be recovering the rest of his life.
Does this help?