I have and I still am. My husband has lied, cheated, and stole from his family. We have separated twice (both times at his instigation). Truly, there is something wrong with me that, after everything, I have fought so hard to keep the marriage going.

Today, we are living together and living together well. For us, it has taken several years of counselling, some really difficult realizations for my husband, and a re-establishment of his faith. The horizon looks pretty good for us (you will be able to see more of my problems in my own post which I will be submitting shortly) but it hasn't come without a cost. I don't know if the cost would have been greater or less if we had divorced. I do know that I am still struggling with being married following infidelity, but I think I would probably still be struggling if we had divorced.

You are right. There are conversations that you need to have to leave the past in the past and you will probably need to have those conversations more than once. If you cannot have those conversations, I feel in my heart that you will continue to live in that awful black hole. Further, if you cannot have those conversations, it is a sign that your husband is not willing to face the issues and, more importantly, help you through them.

There are no easy answers and no one who has not been through this could possibly understand. My heart goes out to you and I have said a prayer for you and your family.