Thankyou everyone for your great contributions and thoughts. You know, this site helps me feel supported and above all not alone, and quite normal. So many others seem to say, why stay married whereas here we explore that.
Forgiveness....I was in hospital, completely isolated, having radiation treatment for thyroid cancer, when it hit me that I had forgiven my husband - and it released me to move on a lot more. I had forgiven him, more incidentally then deliberately, and you know, probably more for me then for him.
That was last September, 6 months after he dropped his bombshell, that was on March 11th a date that I will never forget. So if I cannot forget, does that mean that I have not truly forgiven?? times like these I wish I had done psychology!!
You can imagine how I felt, told on March 11th that he had met someone else and they were trying to decide if they would leave their partners (at least he gave me a chance I suppose). Then having surgery on April 20th where the cancer was diagnosed, so returning on April 27th to have the rest removed, then booking in for radioisotope treatment in September, visits to the oncologist, etc. I really wasn't feeling strong enough to truly cope with marriage issues. Now I feel much much stronger and more in control.
So, I believe that I have forgiven, but I cannot forget. And the reason is that I need him to now say things to neutral out the devestating things he said when he was in the throws of deciding whether to leave or not. But he cannot read my mind so I need to be able to talk this all through with him. Stay tuned.......
Jeannine is right, what once was is no more, and that is shattering, until you make your mind up to make a new better future. And Chickadee is right too, how we choose to think, our self messages, make a difference too.
I decided to do my best to bring the love back into our marriage. I decided that I did not want to be unhappy any more, life is too short (a touch of cancer helps define that message) so I decided to be who I wanted to be, and not hang off him to define how I felt. Now this is easier said then done, but the more I practise it the easier it gets!!!
I now have a mental image of us women standing in a circle holding hands giving out strength to each other.