I think the answer lies in his problem with conflict avoidance as you said. He isn't going to bring up the ring if this is still a problem.

This is more about you than him and what you want from life or this marriage. Husband #1 had a lot of the same problems your husband has and after him being unable to keep his pants zipped and spending money on things for himself instead of paying bills, we divorced. Today, he's remarried and guess what? He has the same problems.

The problem for myself was always this...why commit adultery? I could never get beyond that or what he did with the other woman. No matter how hard I tried. And, I went through that mindless time of demanding to know all of the ugly details, which many women do and they only made me feel worse because it gave him yet another reason to brag about how great he was in bed. I might have done some things wrong but his main problem was deep insecurity and I'm not a shrink and I'm not qualified to help someone deal with that or get over it.

Anyway, that is my two cents for what it's worth. I know the pain you're going through so well. Just know I'm with you in spirit no matter what you decide to do.