I wish I knew exactly how to forgive. There's no magic wand and there's no fairy dust. It's a process and I am much further down the road than I was a year ago but I still have a way to go.

I know that I am holding on to it in part defensively. As long as I remember it and haven't quite forgiven, I feel that I am somewhat prepared for whatever may come and I am protecting myself from ever being hurt like that again.

You are right. The rings are highly symbolic and not wearing a wedding ring is breaking my heart. A wedding ring is a gift of love and it is a promise, and if I were to put it on without anything ever having been said or my husband having asked me to do so, it would simply be a pretty accessory -- not a gift and a promise from him to me. That does NOT feel right.

DebShines -- I fully understand your statement that you have thought about taking your rings off and giving them back to your husband and telling him to give them back to you when he is truly back. I feel that the first time my husband gave me wedding rings was fluff -- we had no idea what it meant and where life was going to take us. Today, if my husband were to give me a ring with a heartfelt promise, it would be truly meaningful. The fact that he hasn't is meaningful as well.

When I try to step into his head, I realize that he is a true conflict avoider and wants to avoid having this conversation. I believe that he thinks "I have no right to ask her to wear a wedding ring." "She will put it on when she is ready."

My feelings are all over the board. I feel it needs to be a gift from him to me. I feel it needs to be a promise. I feel he needs to be the instigator of the discussion. I feel that his not discussing it is another miscalculation of my needs. I feel deeply hurt.