Suzie, I had second thoughts about my response to you. It was not very supportive of me. It sounds like your family is ganging up on you and using mental illness as a reason. Believe me, I've been there. My father was a paranoid schizophrenic diagnosed with sadistic tendancies as well as a psychopath and a sociopath. He was also an alcoholic and a drug addict before there were drug addicts! He was violent. And a sexual predator. None of this is excused because he was mentally ill. I understand that we are talking about your sons and your husband, and people you love. Here is a passage from my book. I'm sharing to let you know that I understand the play on the heartstrings. He committed suicide.****Whether I loved or hated him, or both, was an abstract piece of heart subject to interpretation. It depended on how I looked at it. My instinct was to love him and expect him to love me in return. That was natural. Perhaps if he had loved me it would have been easier to love him. But he did not nurture love. Instead, he provoked hatred. Love was defeated by fear until I hated him with a passion, which was what he’d asked about. I wrote one line to describe how I felt: It saddens me beyond my tears that love was lost within the fears.
To resolve the tumultuous relationship with my father meant recognizing that he could not be separated from his mental illness. It takes forever to find the scattered shards of the broken heart of a little girl. Yet I was certain that he offered an apology in spirit.****Dianne, is this your current husband you speak of? If so, I know from previous posts that there were tensions with your step sons. Also, if so, It's good to know that with counseling there is help and hope.. Love and Light, Lynn