Suzie, it is true that in this day and age psychiatrists are more inclined toward dispensing medications and ECT and evaluations. Talk therapy and counseling is 65% done by social workers, other therapist are master's in counseling and/or psychologists. There are many forms of counseling. "Here and now" is just one form. How did you come upon your current therapist? Do you have access to trying another? Discussing my past was a huge part of my healing, and I never would have come so far without the freedom of learning how the past affects the present. If you can't discuss it with your therapist, then do what you've been doing by journaling. The most helpful counselors (one in my 20s, the other in my 40s) both happened to be named Karen (an odd coincidence) and both were LCSW: licensed clinical social workers. Do you like to read? I can think of books by Kay Redfield Jamison pertaining to bi-polar that are excellent memoirs. Suzie, the silencing of your trauma has had a real damaging affect on you. You are not responsible for his actions upon you, nor are you responsible for what he may have done to others. Whether or not you told has nothing to do with his behavior. Probably even if you had told, the most he would have gotten would have been a slap on the wrist. I assume this happened a long time ago. Even in this decade, perpetrators get very light sentences if reported and convicted, like 4-6 months, if anything at all, and then they are released to molest again. Do not feel guilty. You were in a no win situation. There was nothing you could do. You reached out to your roomate and you were given mis information. My step mother told me the same thing when I told her that my brother had molested me. His sexual assault of me ruined my life, until I took control just 4 or 5 years ago. It's taken everything I've got to not feel guilt or shame. You can live a more joyful and fulfilling life too. You can private message me if you want. Perhaps your counselor can recommend a support group. There is much healing in groups. How do you get to your appointments with the a-phobia? Love and Light, Lynn