Norma, so many times I heard: "there is a reason you survived." I could not fathom my reason for being on earth. Lately, instead of thinking there has to be a reason, I believe that I am here just because that is what God wants period. I try not to question the reason for being anymore. I don't know if I believe in reincarnation. I believe in an afterlife. I believe in finishing business, and I definitly would have gone with unfinished business. I finished a lot of business with the grace of God in the last 2 decades. I have also learned gratitude. I often know that I am more intelligent than many of the people who have superior positions than I. They had more education, more luck, more opportunity, more ability, less trauma. You mentioned shame. I no longer feel ashamed that I attempted suicide because I now understand the reasons...it was not my fault I was sexually assaulted as a child. Suicide was a way out of the pain. But I do regret that I spent so many years in PTSD and thus was unable to concentrate on an education. I would have loved to use the God given intelligence for good. That's one regret: I feel like I wasted the intelligence. I have to remind myself to enjoy. en JOY. I try to do the best that I can most of the time. It sounds to me that you were in professions where kindness and compassion became less important while the "bottom line" (dollars) became more important, and you could not reconcile that in your heart.