Dianne, you said a mouthful. Kay, if my memory serves me correctly, I had a friend that was there for me(at work where HE couldn't have any control)and after it was all over, I couldn't bring myself to be friends with her. Remember this way over 30 years ago, I was so young, but my reasoning is still fresh in my mind. I was ashamed...so ashamed of myself and I didn't want anyone, even my good friend bringing it all up again.(I am not insinuating anything about you here, btw). I wanted it to be over and done. I didn't want to talk about it, I wanted to break free. She just wanted to put him down and say I told you so. She, being young and truly meaning no harm, wanted to talk, talk, talk, about it. I walked around alone for many years, not dating or meeting new people, even woman friends, because I wanted to be alone. Maybe it was because of the loss(marriage), maybe because I didn't trust anyone, anymore. I raised my kids alone,without financial support and couldn't afford babysitters, money for coffee etc.I just felt like I didn't belong...
I am glad I started writing here about those days. I could cry for (me)that young girl, way back then, she was sad...so sad. And lonely... but she came through it at her own pace in her own time. She is a pillar of strength today and has helped and continues to help others through their ordeal.
Kay, I cannot suggest anything here that might work except this. Call her up and say "How about a coffee and a chat on new beginnings, and I promise we won't talk one word about 'you know who'. Tell her you love her and want her friendship back on her terms...and btw what are they?"
Just a thought from my perspective, Kay. Is it worth one more try? Good luck if you decide. I'll add a prayer for you.

chick