You are brave now just as you were when you did finally leave him. I am one who says I'd kill the bastard but thats probably because the abuse I witnessed for so many years was my mothers. She endured for nearly 25 years but as we kids became young adults we urgered her to leave him and leave him she did and never looked back. I saw mother go from a timid little house slave to an effervesant twinkling star. She just blossomed and he literally withered away....I still believe killing to be a big fat sin and wouldn't take the chance in case there is a hell, no man is worth paying that price.