Number5, Here's a website about addiction that came in my email this morning from beliefnet.com. Maybe it will be of interest to you.
http://www.beliefnet.com/healthandhealing/getcontent.aspx?cid=14185

It sounds as if you feel that moving to a new state is your only hope of escape from what sounds like enslavement to your family. Surely there is employment nearby that would enable you to establish your independence, but help out when you feel it is justified. Geographic separation is not the answer if you maintain the emotional dependence.

You can conquer your fear of being alone only by facing it down. And only if you can separate yourself from what appears to be a toxic co-dependency, can you give your granddaughter the role model she needs to grow up emotionally healthy.

We're all wishing you the best and praying for you.

smile