quote:
Originally posted by kygal:
Hmmmmmmmm, now it seems as if my long post disappeared...I had posted a long post about not being able to work, etc. If anyone sees it somewhere else, please let me know. If it doesn't reappear then I'll post it again in a bit.
Mary, I hate when that happens! Especially the long ones!!! And you know that I really wanted to hear your post. I know it's fatiguing to have to rewrite the whole thing over again, but I hope you will, even if the keyboard does get grape stains.

In anticipation of your post, I will talk a bit about my own work situation during my bouts of depression though. For months before my early 1980's massive breakdown, I had tried to hang in at my job, despite the worsening fatigue. Finally one morning, I simply couldn't get out of bed. My entire body felt encased in cement, I was shakey, felt dark and utterly incapable, and couldn't stop crying.

I eventually crawled out long enough to call in sick, but in fact was never able to go back. That depression lasted three long and miserable years, culminating in my suicide attempt. It was my "ICU epiphany" that finally cleared my brainfog and got me back on my feet again. Once I started on that road back, everything seemed to fall into place. Within a couple of months my incredibly supportive EI (unemployment) counsellor had found me a permanent job as a government clerk.

During those 3 years of depression, I was able to get 6 months of unemployment benefits, but for the rest of the time, I pretty much starved. That's not a euphemism. I'm serious. If it wasn't for my best friends Kate and Louis, I would never have survived financially. Eventually Louis convinced me to go on social welfare, which ended up being an unexpected Godsend (again, very helpful, supportive counselors!) [But I was single, poor, didn't own a TV, much less a house or car, so didn't have anything to lose by going on welfare...it's not such a viable option if you're married with an established household.]

In my last breakdown, it was almost the same story. Right after my Mom died (Oct 2001), I knew I was burning out and spiraling into dangerous territory. But I figured it was grief, so kept pushing myself. Finally in February, I crashed...left work at 10pm one night, and couldn't go back. I was severely exhausted, brain-fried beyond description, broken in every which way, and have still not been able to replenish enough of my energy to be able to go back to work even part-time or casual.

Luckily, my hubby is retired with a decent pension. And he enjoys doing odd construction jobs which bring in extra pocket (vacation) money. So we're doing okay. We've had to cut back and live a much simpler lifestyle, but there was no choice. I simply am not physically, emotionally or mentally capable of working even now. I still cry if someone looks at me the wrong way. And I have to take naps throughout the day just to keep up with being here and doing housework.

Depression/mental illness doesn't qualify for any government help, except 3 months of medical leave in the beginning. And some career counselling, which is where all the results showed that my ideal job was "writing". So that's what I did. I wrote "Eagle" and here I am.

I don't know if that helps answer the questions that your post might have asked...I hope you'll be able to come back and re-post...