Fiftyandfine, you asked Do you think as much damage can be done when the pain inflicted is covert?

A resounding YES. In fact, the damage could be even more confusing because we're never quite sure if those undercurrents are there, or if they're figments of our imagination. And when we dare to consider the possibility that our parent(s) could be capable of such ugly deception, we immediately censor ourselves and wonder how we could be so wicked as to even think such a terrible thing about our Mother (or Father).

Yet something "nags" at us, and we're never quite sure if we can accept the words at face value, or if we're meant to hear the subtle double-meaning that seems to lurk hide behind those words. We gradually learn that we can't really trust exactly what those covert words are supposed to be saying to us...do we look good, or not? And if it's not clear, which way are children more prone to go? To their own detriment...I'm not good-enough to warrant a full-blown "you look good".

I'd say that much of the damage inflicted on me were double-entendres; most compliments were shadowed with ambiguity. And one of my biggest issues still today is trust. Despite years of therapy and hard work, I am still not capable of trusting that what a person tells me is true...I'm always searching for the "but", or the double-entendre, the qualifier. It's a lonely place, innate mistrust. But I'm still a work-in-progress, diligently rewiring that part of my attic. Hubby's steadfast love is helping me a lot with that particular area of woundedness.

[ September 08, 2005, 03:36 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]