Thanks Evie. That's a difficult question, especially about figuring out the balance between being supportive and knowing when it's time to let go. Again, I'm not an expert and don't pretend to know the best answers here. But I'll share what I know from my own experience.

When you think a friend might be suffering from depression, the most important thing to do first is to make sure they're safe. If there's any inkling whatsoever that they might be suicidal, get them to a hospital. If they won't go voluntarily, call 911 or someone you know can help. Let the professionals determine if the person needs professional intervention or if the suicide threat is just their way of "looking for attention". I wouldn't suggest that you take that decision on yourself.

But many depressed people don't become suicidal, so let's talk about how to help those ones. I would say that as a friend or loved one, the best way to support someone who's depressed is three-fold:

1. Accept that this is an illness and they will NOT be able to "snap out of it" on their own. It may take a long time (3 years for me the first time around) and may be a long, slow, arduous climb out of that darkness. So if you really want to help, be clear that you may become a long-term "companion-along-the-way" for them.

2. Listen, care, and commiserate - but also dare to challenge their negative self-talk with the truth that they ARE loved and worthwhile. This might seem futile, that they can't hear it, and terribly frustrating at times, but trust me, I YEARNED to hear those words, and they did sink in to the core of my being. They might not have seemed to help at the time, but when I was ready to start climbing out of that hellhole, those words came back to be a light in my darkness and helped me pull myself out.

3. Don't let yourself get dragged into the darkness. Know your limitations, and balance the time you spend with that person against time spent in uplifting, happier situations with fun-to-be-with people, people you can relax with.

It was ALWAYS one of my greatest fears that I would drag somebody down with me. The people who helped me the most were the ones I KNEW would pull back when they needed to, because I knew they would not let me drag them into the quicksand with me. I knew they were pulling back so that they would have more care and resources to help me later.

You can compare someone who's profoundly depressed to someone who's drowning...the desperation to feel better can make the depressed person cling to their lifelines for dear life...it was my temptation to do so. But as sick as I was, I was still aware of the danger of taking someone down with me. In some ways that hampered me...I wouldn't allow people to help me because of that fear. Thus the relief of having people around me who knew when to let me go and pull back to catch their own breath.

You have to know your limits and draw the line. And you have to be aware that there is some responsibility on the depressed person's part to help themselves, specifically by seeking professional help (therapy) and medications. As time progresses and you see no effort on their part to accept help and you feel your own self beginning to drown, you must pull yourself out of that situation for awhile and take care of yourself. That might not always be possible, but do as much as you can to protect your own health. That's hard for caring people to hear, but it's essential that you not let yourself get so dragged into the darkness that you can't get yourself out.