Francine, you are not alone. You asked, "I'm just hoping maybe someone else has experienced what I'm going through." Yes, I've been through what you have been through. It was interesting to note that when you felt safe enough, the memories surfaced. I've been through that too. Yeah, the perfectionism was a cover, wasn't it? I am a recovering perfectionist. I was perfect at berating myself with worthless self-talk. I'd be perfect at a job, but I was always perfect at being unemployed, with all the perfect excuses! Yet, once I got a job, I found ways to sabatoge myself because I had such low self esteem. The one thing I knew I could do perfectly was too keep house. You know what? I am more "on top" now that I've fully faced myself and my memories. I'm so sorry for what you experienced as a child, and how it is affecting you now. Just know that you are not alone. In my opinion, you are reacting normally to abnormal conditions of childhood. Love and Light, Lynn