It has often baffled me that if we had been diagnosed with cancer, would we be questioning our faith...would we be asking ourselves if it's our fault, that we got cancer because we didn't pray enough or have enough faith? And yet, depression is also just as legitimate and bona fide an illness, with a confusing and painful combination of chemical imbalance and mangled thinking (which I believe is a SYMPTOM, not the cause of depression and anxiety), and yet we believe that it's our fault, that we didn't pray enough, or have enough faith, and so this is our punishment. I went through that for years, before finally coming to rest on the reality that God is on my side, He loves me unconditionally, and would never inflict pain or suffering on me because I didn't pray well enough or have a strong enough faith. In fact He does everything He can to bring the right people and resources into my life so that I will have everything I need to get through this dark night of the soul.

One of the symptoms of the mangled thinking is that it distorts our perception of things and people, and makes us automatically assume all fault and blame for why we are the way we are, and convinces us to ostracize ourselves as untouchable and unlovable. I don't know all the correct medical jargon, but this is how I prefer to look at it now: we're in the shape we're in because life threw a lot of crap our way and overwhelmed us with more pain than our seratonin levels could handle...that's not our fault...it's a medical condition that needs corrective measurements. But along the way, because of social stigma and negative feedback from everyone around us, we also drown ourselves in a sea of perceived failure, causing an endless recital of self-detrimental blame and guilt. That too needs corrective measurement, some way to untangle all those lies before we can see the truth of who we really are (which is BEAUTIFUL and UNIQUE and PRECIOUS and BELOVED and CAPABLE).

I have to run...I have my first TV interview in 45 minutes! YEEK!