What -- you're taking Dotsie on the Sleazeball Tour of Southern California and not hiring me as your tour guide??

I'm hurt, peeved, and feeling just a little bit neglected. Okay, a lot.

I will not introduce you to my favorite transvestive country singer in Hollywood. I will not take you to the best place to get your tattoos, alternative piercings and thong bikinis. I won't even take you to a surfing tournament where the spectators drink beer until they fall off the bleachers.

No, no, no.

I won't even take you for a ride in the infamous green minivan in which I took a 2-week tour of non-tacky Northern California last summer. Which I wrote about here, and which you've already forgotten. *sniff*

I am feeling neglected.