Hi Dotsie, what a tough situation to be in. Being supportive goes a long way...for a while. Then I think it is time to tell her that she is being verbally abused (if you have not told her already) or else you may be taking on the part of enabler to his abuse and her acceptance of it. If you think that the confrontation to the husband on your part will not resort to physical violence, then you can be honest with him. Example, "When you tell Anna she is stupid for leaving the car in the rain, then I feel you are undermining her." When you ________ I feel ______ is a standard tool counselors recommend for honest communication. In using this tool, you are not accusing him of being verbally abusive, which could indeed incite defensiveness on his part. My fears for verbal abuse is the escalation into other forms of abuse. Please recommend to your girlfriend the books by Patricia Evans, one of which is "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" and have her check out http://www.verbalabuse.com. Evans is an expert on the subject. I hope this helps. I am being general. Please feel free to continue asking so that your friend can feel more safe and respected in her marriage.