Unique wrote that you don't have to be beaten to be abused. Here's some dialogue from the book: Todd was the man I was married to, and Sally was my friend who met Todd. Karen became my counselor *** "Todd bullied me: “I ought-a wup you upside the head” or “I ought-a haul off and kick you in the ass,” and sometimes he did just that. He grabbed my arm, squeezed it hard, and twisted both his hands around it, until I bruised. “If you weren’t such a skinny runt, you wouldn’t bruise so easy,” he would justify.
Sally told me, “Todd’s abusing you.”
“No, he never beat me with a broom or broke a bone.”
“It’s abuse, plain and simple.”
As I was telling this to Karen, she confirmed the abuse: “Putdowns, name calling and threatening behavior, as well as hitting you, then denying that he hurt you, are all forms of abuse.”
I recognized a frame of reference regarding my family. My father was like a jack-in-the-box, ready to spring without warning. I was all wound up, ready to strike in defense. According to my father, I was the one who was high-strung. I did not know where his tension ended and mine began. When I was around him, I was on guard, watching for his next move. My older brother imitated our father; Eric bullied me by shoving me back, pushing me forward, staring me down, and kicking me under the table. The exact scenarios applied to Todd." I did not recognize abuse even as I experienced it!