I know, Pattyann, you're right. I really need some professional counseling for these feelings.
I'm not miserable, just frustrated and sad. I've never had anyone in my life to guide me, including my parents. Never had grandparents, or a sister. I fell in love with him because I needed to be loved but no one ever asked me if I was doing the right thing by marrying him.
I know being pre-menopausal isn't helping. Having all of you listen and advise does help, so thank you.