Number 5. I posted earlier and I'll tell you again. As soon as possible pack a bag and go to the police station, ask them to take you to the crisis shelter. YOU may not have the strength, will or self-esteem to get out on your own but THEY will help you. All you have to do is take the first step.

Your granddaughter and daughter need you fit and whole to help them. If you can't find enough love for your self to help yourself right now, you CAN find enough love to get out for the sake of your granddaughter.

I too, had been too frightened and too beaten down to get out on my own but when I looked into the eyes of my little boy I just couldn't sentence him to a lifetime of abuse. His life gave me the strength I needed to run to the crisis shelter--the help I received there was invaluable and was a turning point in my life. It can be for you too. That was almost 15 years ago and I am so glad to be out of that nightmare life! It's available to you too, grap it!

PS. They will also help you understand some of the ways you sabotage yourself--just when things are going good we tend to set ourselves up for failure, they'll help you recognize and bypass this self-distructive behaviour. Also they will help you with the 'self-medicating' you are doing. Reaching for a drink to dull the pain--if you think about it you probably started dating this man to dull the pain after your husband died.

I hope you won't think me pushy, but Jesus can take all that pain away and replace it with pure joy. He has for me and I know he will for you. Jesus loves YOU and has cared for you since before you were born. Reach for Him and He'll be there to take your hand...I'm praying for you and your little family--you've been on my heart all weekend. All of us are here for you and we love you!