Di, have you tried writing it all out? Write TWO letters; in the first one, pour it all out into words, let your pen put your heart to paper. Then keep that one (don't rip it up or send it...keep it for yourself)...and write a second one to your DSD, using the best of what you found out while writing your first letter...and send that second letter to your DSD. Be sure the letter is NO way accusatory (not that it would be, but sometimes when our wounds leak, they come out looking a little ambiguous to others), but a heartfelt, caring explanation of where you're coming from, your hopes and fears and joys and tears about this pregnancy, which is a wonderful blessing but one that has a personal impact on you.

One of the problems with not explaining your background and feelings in any situation regarding loved ones (and DSD would regard you as a loved one) is that they tend to fill in the unexplained gaps with their own stories or reasons, usually to their own detriment. These unknown "stories" are often what end up separating families, not the real issues.

Be honest, tell her your painful truth, then she will be able to deal with the truth only, and let you own your pain and not be so bewildered by her own inaccurate reasons for the "whys" of any of these family situations...and with the child on the way, this is only the beginning, so you might as well deal with it NOW and avoid lots of future dilemmas at the same time.

[ December 15, 2005, 01:28 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]