Ok, as many of you know, DH and I "threw" a private baby shower for his daughter and her DH. Since I never had my own, it's been difficult for me to attend ANY baby shower in many, many years. So THIS was a huge step for me.

A few weeks ago, I sent out an email to close family/friends announcing this shower. I feel I've taken great strides in healing thru childlessness and this was something that I felt excited about. After all, wouldn't any mother be excited and throw a shower??

The email simply asked if anyone wanted to send a card of something. I did NOT solicit gifts, but my family is just a giving kind of people. Well, after DSD and her DH left, I received a couple of gifts: a check from my 1st cousin once removed; a gift cert. from my sister and a gift from a friend.

NOW, DSD has asked me to not have people send gifts because "they don't even know us" and they'd prefer them saving their money for their own families. I'm hurt. However, I've discussed this with DH and he will talk to his DD.

This shows me that, even though we "CNBC'ers" (childless not by choicers) mean well, we are still misunderstood. No bad feelings here, but I really am excited about this no. 1, because this is the ONLY daughter I'll ever have; no 2, because I'm excited about being a grandma-to-be and never had kids; no. 3, this is healing for me, yet I'm being stifled.

I also realized that they do not understand the depth of a loss such as childlessness and really only see this as people giving money to them, even though they do not need it. I'd like for them to see this as "gifts from the heart", because, and not to sound haughty, these people love ME and know the kind of heartache childlessness has been.

DH understands and has been educate by me enough. So I've asked him for some advice. He says he'll write to her to convey what she needs to hear. He's wonderful!

[ December 13, 2005, 12:56 AM: Message edited by: Di ]