Have you read any books on step parenting? There is one called Step Wars that's supposed to be good.

Honestly, if he won't go to counseling you are going to have to make some decisions yourself. You can go by yourself to save your sanity and possibly learn how to deal with this. Then, you have to watch and see if anything changes.

Does she act nasty in his presence? If she does and he still doesn't care, he doesn't think you're making it up, he just doesn't want to deal with it. They can act like they are scared of their own children at times.

So, if he isn't going to change and she isn't going to change, you have the option of completely detaching from it. Don't pay any attention to her or her nastiness, don't pick up after her, and just remove yourself from the situation mentally. Go out with the other kids and do things with them. Make your own form of happiness. Don't complain about her to your husband. Just stop reacting. I think this is what she wants...a reaction from you. If it doesn't work, she might decide it isn't worth the effort.

I know how you feel. Trust me. I know!