My husband's son (25 yrs old and married) (I'll call him G) borrowed my husband's and my new kubota tractor and really abused it and did some damage. My husband showed him how to use it and told him it was not as powerful as a full-sized one and that he needed to remember that when he was working on his property.
I've known G for almost 2 years and thought we had a pretty good relationship. He's come to me on several occasions asking my advice on things and talking about his troubled marriage. His dad and I have been married for almost 3 months and we're both in our 50's.
Due to the damage G did to the tractor, he was told by his dad that the tractor is not leaving our property again. That made G very upset and I guess he thought we were being unreasonable. When G came to pick up the trailer (G had borrowed that from his father-in-law), I gave him a piece of paper with the price of the damage for the hood replacement and he got really pissed at me saying it was "just a tractor" and damage is expected. I pointed out to him that the hood was crushed in, the hydraulic lines were bent and the bucket was out of alignment and bent...those aren't normal damages through normal usage. I told him that he took responsiblity for the tractor when he drove it off our property and it was his responsiblity to make it the damages right. He was very angry and stomped off and called his father at work and told him he'd prefer it if I did not get into the middle of things, despite the fact that I am half owner of this tractor. To make a long story short, he's decided I am to keep out of his business with his dad and he has told my husband (his father) that he'd prefer if I did not interfere in this matter.
When I wasn't home G and his wife stopped by and talked to his dad and they decided that G would do some work on the place to repay the damage as he's not able to pay. (My husband and I were originally talking about G paying us back a little each month). I would have been okay with the new decision but I was not included in the discussion with my husband about the final decision until AFTER G and my husband had talked. I found this out when I called G to arrange a time for them to come over and talk about what happened. G and his wife told me the decision had been made and if I had a problem I needed to talk to my husband...end of discussion and they slammed the phone down on me. My husband had just come home from work when I confronted him with this decision and he said yes he'd made that decision... thus our first argument ever ensued because of it. It didn't take long for me to get my point across to my husband about us needing to be a united front concerning our marriage and not letting G call the shots and run our marriage...My husband said he was wrong and should have not decided anything until he and I had talked about it. It just make G think more that I need to butt out even more.
I've worked hard in 2 years to build a good relationship with all his kids (there are 3). I was a step child and a prior step mom and so I know how hard it can be. G has had a prior step-mom from hell and I'm the complete opposite of what she was.
My husband is upset that G and his wife would attack me so badly after all I've done for them and my wound is very deep at the moment and do not care to be around them. We have decided that G's borrowing card has been cancelled (he likes to borrow things and not return them until we ask for them or go over and get them). We should have been smarter about the tractor considering his track record.
I'm pretty hurt by this and feel resentful. Not sure what to do next.