When a soldier is in a war zone it's important to maintain radio silence. I think by backing away from them and not playing these mind games, they will...hopefully...stop. It sounds like you and your husband have been put in a war zone.

People continue to do what works for them and when it stops working they either try harder or catch a clue and stop their behavior. Some people just have to learn the hard way, sadly.

I remember telling my husband that it wasn't right for him to allow his sons to "tattle" on me and he needed to put a stop to it. I also told him that if they had a problem with me, they should be men and call me. Of course, they never did. They may still tattle to dad but I sure don't hear about it!