Jaw Jaw,
Where in the world did you get the Don't Mess with Mom poem? I love it. Can I copy and pass on to friends and family?
Diane and Dotsie, Thank you for your prayers.
Dallas-Gal, We have tried many of your ideas. He did sign a 'contract' the first day he was here, and then I had him re-read it and re-sign and date a month later. We did take things from him when his behavior required it.
My huband tried the military type approach. Chanting like a Marine will racking leaves, push ups for bad behavior. Phone priviledges revoked, and so on.
I've not been able to log on for a few days due to the following:
Saturday morning a dear friend and I went to the Bakery where he worked to support him and say hello...he didn't show up for work. A teen who worked their stopped by the table to say hello and was very chatty. Here are a few things that she brought to my attention that we didn't know about. The boy had been late to work several times and when questioned, argued about it with his managers. He was stealing food that they were required to pay for. He couldn't ever understand how to use the ordering/cashier register, so they had him on clean up, of course we never heard about that one. He told the teens there he had been a drug dealer in NY. His bio-father was a rap star, that the reason he wasn't in school was because he had a 4.0 grade average and had already graduated. Talked about how many women he had done, and on and on.
There are several more, but here is ONE of the worse. He had sexual harrassed 3 girls and the girls had brought it to the attention of the managers. They spoke to the boy, but didn't fire him, go figure. The last thing she said I'll get to in a second..
Later that day the boy came home and after beating around the bush for 45 minutes told me he had gotten fired. Yikes, what was I to do. My husband wouldn't be home until after 11:00pm and due to the nature of his business and the amount of people on schedule he just couldn't leave the job....From my heart I truly believed it would be best not to call him home. I just acted like the perfect person and listened to him ramble while fixing the kid the best dinner. The boy knew that if my husband found out about losing his job, that would be the final straw. So he was making up this plan that he would leave for work as usual and as soon as my husband left for work he would come back home. (My husband's schedule changes daily) The kid stated that if I told my husband he would take it out on me!
Sunday The boy left for work before my husband. That gave us a bit of time to talk. My husband said if the boy got home before he could get home, to lock him out because he didn't want me in the home by myself. My husband sent me to the bus station to buy him a one-way, non-refundable ticket up north where his family lived. With the ticket in my hand I went ahead and counted the hours before the kid came home. I did let him in after he got home from work and I was so sweet and nice I should have won an award. Hubby got home and I only then told him the last thing the girl at the bakery told me...The boy had a hit list, and I was at the top of the list and as soon as he got paid, which would have been this Wednesday he was going to buy a gun and take me out. My husband went in the kids room, snatched him off the bed told him to pack up while he stood over him watching. During the packing process my huband never once raised his hand to him, or his voice. He went through the grocery list of everything he had or had not done, what I had learned about him at the Bakery, the words to rap songs he had written about killing people, and about his hit list and me being the first one. He took him to the bus station and waited there with him for 4 hours before the bus was scheduled to leave. Made sure he got on the bus and waited for the bus to leave and actually followed the bus out of town to make sure it made it to the interstate without the kid getting off the bus.
When he got home at midnight, he called the boy's mother, the ex-wfie and warned her he was coming home. The child was way beyond any help we could have given him. He was too set in his mind for us to have changed it at all. He needs professional help and the 'real' family their for him. We have no blood relationship to him at all and the boy made sure we knew it many times during he 2 months he lived here.
So ladies, he is gone from our life's. He will not be allowed to return ever in his life.
It's Over!
Without your friendship, and kind caring words and most of all your advice I never would have had the strength to make it through this last week. You have been priceless. You have pointed out so many issues to me and helped me realize the path we had to take, especially after he was making threats on my life. Sleeping with a butcher knife at hand is not the type of life anyone should ever have to go through.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. If ever we should hear about him I will write an upate.
Love ya all,
Mary
PS After reading this some may wonder why we didn't call the police. Neither of us have the strength to go through such an ordeal. Lawyers, family and friends being affected through our own pain. Who knows, possible new media coverage.
My blood pressure was off the charts and am now on medicaiton. I've lost over 20 pounds without even dieting for a second. My disabilities have kicked into high gear. The child is not our responsibility.
My husband did advise the ex-wife to call the police if he came and got violent at her home and not to let the child back in her house. That ex has an explosive personality and could phsycially handle herself, whereas I could never deffend myself other than using an item like a knife to protect myself. The ex-wife notified her daughters do to the same. We called my husband's 30 year old daughter and told her the story. Don't let him through the door. We do not know how to reach his biological family to let them know he was returning.