Hello Ladies,

This is my first day on the forum. I am looking for advice. I am recently separated. My husband and I tried to work things out last year but it just didn't work. My husband is a wonderful man, but we were not as compatible as we originally thought. We dated for only 3 months before we were married. Our marriage lasted five years. During our last year we were separated more than together. When we were separated for one extended period, I became friends with a man I worked with. My husband and I reunited, and my colleague and I remained friends but whenever my husband was cruel to me, I would compare my friend to my husband. Inevitably I began to have feelings for my friend beyond friendship but I kept them to myself. In fact, I became rather distant to my male friend.

This September my husband and I separted for our last time. He has filed for divorce. I then told my freind I had feelings for him. I became very immature and could not tell him to his face, but wrote him a short note and dropped it at his home (we are neighbours in a condominium building and no longer work together). He immediately sent me a response (again written) and suggested that he had always considered me a friend and that he would like to have dinner. He gave me his phone number, said "no pressure" and left the ball in my court. I didn't call. I was too embarrassed, mainly for writing the note in the first place. That evening he knocked at my door very late and very inebriated. He was quite harmless because of his physical state. I let him in. Please understand, I am not the type to have sex on the first date but I am terribly attracted to him and my feelings have built up for over 18 months. We kissed that night. Many times. It was wonderful. I felt no guilt. We did not have sex. I was very happy. The next morning when he sobered up and went home, I expected he would call but he didn't. He was embarrassed for knocking on my door in the middle of the night. He tried to reach me several times over the next few days, but I was always away from home. He finally sent another note, begging forgiveness for his behavior. Then he went on vacation and has been gone for three months. He will return home within a few days. I have no idea how to go forward. I really like this man but do not want to appear desperate. He made it clear in his initial note that he would like to be friends. He left for his vacation saying that when he returned he would invite me to dinner (he loves to cook). He is a lovely man, we are both in our early 50's, he has a good income as do I, but I just don't know how to go forward because I don't want to appear desperate, nor do I want to loose the freindship that we have shared, but...I am physically terribly attracted to him and am afraid that when he invites me to dinner, I will have sex with him and then he will, as you all think, loose respect for me, and that will be the end. My friends tell me I must play this as if I were a fisherman. Play it very slow. But, I am not a player. I wear my heart on my sleeve. And...I really like this man....But...he has a reputation for having more than one female "friend".

Sorry I have been so longwinded. I am very nervous about his return. He has not called since he left three weeks ago but a friend (male) of his told me today he may come home within a couple of days....

Any thoughts would be very much appreciated.

Cin