You had a huge revelation! I was going to suggest that maybe you should go back into your past and compare this loser with some other man. I did this...with my father. Hmmm. It's amazing because trying to work through an old bad relationship with another person brings on the obsessive thinking and thoughts. I did it too so I understand and it isn't all that easy to get over but I do know that you can with effort and time and girl, it looks to me like you're trying very hard so here's a big hug for you!