Yes, Lynn, I read that passage in your book, and recognized it was what I too was feeling/visualizing. Feeling such emotional pain and visualizing stabbing yourself in the heart should be ENOUGH for any sane person to realize that the man causing it is TOXIC for her!!!
I am looking so forward to the day when, HEY, I don't feel anything for this man, or think of him at all. I know this will happen; it just takes so damn long!
I also think as we get older, our emotional scars take longer to heal, just as with the physical wounds which heal much quicker when we are young. Being older, also, and haveing a firm foundation of values, I take things much more seriously, expect people to behave as I am behaving, treating them with respect and kindness.... Doesn't seem to work that way, HUH!
ARI