Hi, and thank you, Smile,
I have been divorced 8 years now, and was never hurt by the ending of my marriage...wanting out of it for most of the 20 year duration. The Ph.D. fella, however, may more accurately fit the category you have described: divorced one year, and not having dated seriously till me (well, sexually anyway). He has never spoken his ex-wife's name, and refers to her bitterly, though I noticed he still has pictures of her in his photo collections of family, friends, etc.
Oh, whatever, I have to take the good advice here and walk away with my few scraps of dignity, and try to grow a new crop of self-respect! Also, as Dotsie says, "Go to church and feel his love and grace." I DO feel that when I am in my church, and have experienced in my past that focusing on this can make the relationship disasters become insignificant by comparison to the amazing love and benefits of seeking spiritual guidance...So...that's how I hope to heal.
ARI