Oh Smile! You do understand! I didn't know if I wanted to cry or simply smile when I read your last post.

|This portion of what you [Smile] said, "The impulse to extinguish feelings must be especially strong in adults who have been sexually abused as children because sexual pleasure must have been confused by the pain of shame."|

When I married, at 17, it was out of the shame of me having premarital sex. No one had told me that these were natural urges. Each time I did it, I recall getting the same shameful feelings after my abuser. I was 6 when that shame started. That's why I didn't understand why I was purposely doing this 'horrible' thing. When I married, it felt ok. But all too soon, he became an abuser in my life too. THese folk were really trying to drive me mad huh? I started feeling the guilt of sex again, even within my marriage. I was go and sit on the edge of the tub, like I would after my abuser, and cry. Of course I realized this pattern later during therapy. Now, since you've put it this way, it really makes sense. That's why I was not sure if I wanted to cry or smile, Smile.

I'm happy for you that you're able to release these feelings within the confines of a marriage blessed by God. That must be such a good feeling to grow with your husband as you both get to know each other, increasing natural feelings.

Thank you for sharing this perspective with me. It really has shined a brighter light into this situation. My neighbor's comment had opened up a real can of worms for me. He made me feel that guilt, even though I was not doing anything to warrant that kind of scrutiny. A loose woman was no where near who I am, but for him to speculate that almost crushed me. I guess it was because of past issues. Not even to say that I am completely on the straight and narrow, but certainly not the way he, or maybe even other neighbors since he did, are possibly thinking. I did say to him that I'm probably the most undersexed woman on this block. I said it as I joked with him, but beneath that statement, there was hurt.

Sugaree