Ok, so I have monkey (primative behaviours) and am also a sex addict? LOL. That's too much!

I think I will go with the fact that I'd just married my husband at 17 to get out of the frying pan, but ended up in the kettle, which was also a familiar place since the common denominator her is/was 'heat' in the first place. I jumped out of that kettle thinking that a woman is SUPPOSED to be with a man, into the arms of another satin follower from there because I didnt wait on God to send me the right path in the first place.

I finally was alone, too alone, relaxed and had time to think as I courted Lance. Lance knew my familiar ties and too advantage of my vulnerable state of mind which was pretty laxed with him because I thought we were friends before lovers and he'd never intentionally hurt me.

Instead, his ego got the best of him since he'd never had a woman like me to feel the way I did...working his testosterone to the max (ego, again) and figured he'd play with it, no matter how he or I felt. See, there was no possible way he faked all of those emotions. He was with me much too much and was extremely sensitive to my 'touches' as well. There was not a day that he approached my door w/o a 'prize' pertruding which indicated that the chemistry was mutual...

I don't know. Maybe I'm trying to convince myself that he really did love me but was too confused with all that happened and just lost control. He really did call me when he was going to be late. I actually did hear his buddies in the background laughing that he was 'henpecked' and other terms of weakness as they refered to his and my relationship. I think he was just accustomed to being in control and had to prove a childish point. He had to show them that a cake could be eaten and had simulteaneously (spellchecker please!).

Maybe it's just late and I really want to believe what I fantasize him saying to me when I answer the call that I really should ignore...

Help, I'm falling, again.