I thought about all of the loving things he'd done to gain my attention. I thought about the things I'd do to dissuade him. I thought about how many 'I' pushed away in an effort NOT to feel anyone...or the pain that has persisted after each relationship.
Now I'm wondering if I'm single because of my many broken hearts. Was the last shatter the grand finale? How does one know this?
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Your many broken hearts or the many hearts that you have broken sugaree??
Here's something that very, very, few women actually know.

In Australia, post divorce trauma, leads one in thirteen divorced men to suicide. If that doesn’t sound like a high figure then consider that the suicide rate caused by post rape trauma is less than one in a hundred rape victims. Not only is divorce Australia’s biggest cause of suicide. It’s double all the rest of the causes put together. It’s a body count equal to the national road toll and its the biggest sigle killer of mid aged men. And the figures would be similar in the USA.
That’s the kind of trauma that you can’t even imagine but I’ll dwell on the issue of post rape trauma for comparison even if not a good one. A girlfriend of yours is coming home from a hot date, dressed to the nines, in really sexy gear. She’s accosted in a back street and raped. In court the rapist comes out with the usual drivel that she was asking for it because the was wearing sexy clothing. The court dismisses that excuse and jails him anyway. Tell me this Lindsey, would you ever expect your friend, still suffering post rape trauma, to ever wear that same clothing again? Would you be surprised if she burned it?

There’s your answer. As you age so too do the men you are dating. And your heart break are nothing compared to theirs. (Yes I know that sounds impossible when you rea all the weeping and bleatiing on these boards but its a fact nonetheless.)

Sugaree!
Are you still thinking about all of the loving things he'd done to gain my attention, and about the things I'd do to dissuade him.about how many you "pushed away in an effort NOT to feel anyone."..or the pain that has persisted after each relationship
Thas why you are single.
The men are so badly hurt that its rare, and oftenillegal under stalking laws, for them to do any "loving things to gain yur attention" And dont even contemplate pusing anyone away. The next man you "push away" will be the last one to ever show any interest in you. Trust me on that.
Dovorced men are not re born swinging batcheolors. They are hurt. Badly!