Since I have been ill, I have been examining my life. Where I am today at age 64 is not where I should be. I have squandered my lifes chances always looking for greener grass. I suppose I never thought I'd get old and become ill. I always felt there was someone or something wonderful ahead of me and I made some bad mistakes. I am single with a live in friend that I got to know well, we talked about everything and I felt I knew him. He is a decent man in many ways but I feel no love and wish he would disappear. He is not a good provider and working on finding him hundreth job. This has left me uninsured and afraid of the future. If I can stay well until next year I can get Medicare. I guess what I'm saying is make sure your financial future is secure when getting rid of a good provider who drinks or is distant. When you're healthy you feel brave but when stricken with illness the bravery is gone and the fear sets in. Like Toni said: Are you better off with him than without him? I'm not sure this post makes any sense to anyone, even me. Ever feel like you're between a rock and a hard place?