Hi, I'm new here, but need to reach out for I have no one to talk to about this. Yes, I have talked and talked and talked to my husband but as you know I get the same ole' answers over and over... "I don't know", "I don't remember", blah, blah, blah.... Anyway - a brief history.. I have been married to my husband for 10 years (I'm 45). We had the "typical" step parenting problems which I really thought we could work out as a "team". In the beginning we did. Then the relationship with his daughter (who really isn't & I'll get into that if need be).. Let's just say, she (the daughter) doesn't know. And my hat's off to this man for taking respondibility for this roll in the child's life. I truly believe that he is so "guilty" about this fact that he allows the daughter power she should never have had/has. I feel I must cover this issue because he drags the issue of her and I not getting along every time we talk/argue. The child is now 23.

Okay, now to the subject.. .. In Oct 2000 my husband was transferred to Philadelphia. We as a couple still had our (my) youngest daughter finishing her senior year. We decided not to pull her out of school and let her graduate in SC. So I stayed in SC while he moved to PA. I didn't realize it then but BIG MISTAKE! It was during this time he reconnected with one of his Ex's. (He has 3, two he married, one he didn't) He had children with all three, none with me except my daughter from a previous marriage. It was during this time that I feel his adult children and Ex's were able to lay the guilt on thick... Because things haven't been the same since. Anyway, we were working through other issues with the daughter (23 YR OLD) and some hugh mistakes I made with our finances. A couple months after he relocated, I discovered that he had been emailing (chatting, webcam, photos, etc) with the Ex. VERY INTIMATE I might add. When I shared my discovery with him - his response was "he didn't think I would come to PA and thought the marriage was over." I asked why hadn't he discussed this with me, and needless to say, his response "dahh, I don't know." How typical.. Well, now I began to "LOOK". I put spy software on our computer and saw so many doors to deception. I was married to this man for 6 years and had no idea. First of all, I trusted him, so I didn't have reason to look, now I did. I saw he was looking at porn, lingerie, and was even signing up for yahoo, hotmail, etc., and was signing up for "adult chat" and also was receiving photos from his 1st Ex as well. Needless to say we had a difficult year. But I thought we had worked it out. We even got into therapy - which he stop joining me after a month. I still remember the therapist telling me when we were one on one that most porn issues have nothing to with the porn but has everything to do with something lacking inside the man. I guess that is why I have tolerated it. But here we are 4 years later and I rediscovered that he has again been using a secret email address and his 1st Ex is once again sending him lingerie photos. This time I got angry and told him that I can love him unconditionally but not at the cost of my pride. And he shouldn't want me to either. This time I confronted the Exwife as well, which she states she didn't know it was him she thought she was sending them to her daugther. What kind of mother sends intimate pictures of herself to her 23 year old daughter?!He says, I don't remember. He did finally admit that he was wrong and shouldn't have done it. Which is a first. But I feel his issues are way beyond that and my patience is out. He has this need to look at beautiful women, cartoons too! He definitly has serious issues! But I do not want to throw away 10 years of marrage either. This just happened last week, so I guess we'll see. But what worries me is the pattern always stays the same, he gets caught, stops for a little while, then it begins again... And everytime I bring the subject up he reminds me of my financial errors years ago and how his daughter will not call him at the house because of me. He really tries hard to refocus the conversation. My response to him is well, maybe YOU need to call her from home so she knows you will call whenever you want to (caller ID) and I may have made mistakes, but never have I invited anyone into our bedroom. I could go on and on, sorry this is so long, but I am at my witts end on this matter... Any advise??