Smile,
In your first post you say you don't know what feminism really is, how it started, etc. I think I gave a pretty good thumbnail history of that.
Feminism is mostly about consciousness raising, of both women and men. My radical view is that women are just beginning to understand what it means to be a woman, because we've been defined by men for centuries. Look at the language and media images for evidence of this. To me, the liberation of women is one of the greatest achievements of the 20th century.
I disagree that feminism is just what anyone wants to say that it is. The notion of competing with men is anti-feminist. Your husband compelling you to go to work is also anti-feminist. Both of those things come from the male dominant perspective.
Try to imagine a world in which women had actual equality politically, economically, socially, educationally. Compare that with what we now have. Though we've made a little progress, women in no way have equal decision-making power anywhere in the world, including the US. Women can't achieve this equality without the assistance and support of men.