kidogo, what you and the other mother at the grief group found was exactly what we do at the compassionate friends - connect with each other, comfort, understand and share the pain. i'm so glad you found that connection with another grieving mom. another benefit is that those of us who have been there awhile can help those newer in their grief to feel less alone. looks like you have found your way to both of those concepts already - well done!

as for the friends who couldn't bear your pain, you learn over time who you can and cannot share your pain with. unfortunately, that process is painful, too.

it is hard to remember that no matter how sympathetic friends and family are, they just don't get it. and do we want them to? to "get it" means to lose a child. i've learned to cut them a lot of slack. truth is, they didn't live with Missi or experience her daily presence so they can't possibly understand the depth of my sorrow nor can i expect them to. because of that it's easy for them to get on with their lives.

sometimes, especially lately, i feel like i've been left behind. they all have gone on with their lives and i can't. yes, my life goes on in many ways, but deep in my heart, it ended with my daughter's. her death changed the degree of importance i give to everyday things like decorating my home or my wardrobe and given me new purpose in making life better for those i love. i'm not me anymore. i'm a new and different me while they are pretty much the same. it is very confusing and discouraging sometimes but i have come to accept it to be the way of things now.

anyway, glad to know ya, sis, looking forward to getting to know you better.