kidogo, i am so sorry for the loss of your son and that you have gone through so much alone. the trouble is, even the most sympathetic of friends or family cannot possibly feel the depth of your sorrow with you unless they, too, have buried a child. so while you wish for the understanding, you don't want anyone you love to know what you know. it is a catch 22 for you.

please check out www.thecompassionatefriends.org

this is a support group for bereaved parents (some chapters have sibling groups, too). i have been with our local chapter since about a year after my daughter died in 1994. there are online discussions as well as chapters having meetings all over the country.

my heart is with you. if i can help you in any way, just say it. i will also reply to private message if you wish to send one.