PP, (that doesn't sound right ), anyway, thanks so much for coming here and using us as a sounding board. It often helps to gather thoughts from people who don't know the person who is being hurtful because all we know is what you tell us. Sometimes when words are typed on a pc they come through loud and clear to others ...and are made clearer to ourselves while typing. I know I've had my share of revelations while sharing in here.

Anyway, I agree with everything Garrie said. It appears to me that you are on the right track by simply searching and talking about this with friends, counselor, and God. You have made yourself AWARE and that is good. Have faith that He will guide you. Take time to hunker down and listen for His truth for you. He loves you and wants what's best for you.

You mentioned that you don't know why you stay. Well, change is hard and all of us stay with one thing/person/situation, or another in our lives for longer than need be. Sometimes we stay because we are afraid of change and what may happen when there's an emptiness. If you are thinking about a change then you will work at filling that emptiness in one way or another. I am not saying you should leave, but from the sounds of it, you are leaning in that direction...just my perception.

I empathize with you because I love kids too, and it sounds like you don't want to leave them. Please know you are on my prayer list now and I lift up the people on that daily. Hope this helps!