MammaJude,
I know just how you feel. We had much the same scenario going with my DIL. We always thought she just didn't care for us because we were so different from her family. They call her every day, tell her and my son what to do, how to do it, then get mad at them when they don't. My husband and I decided early on to stick with a non-interference policy. We'd be there if our kids needed us, otherwise, we'd keep our noses out of their business. Unfortunately, that got us pretty much ignored. Her parents took it too far however and our DIL rebelled when they began yelling at her in front of our little grandson and undermining her authority. She called them on it and insisted they change their ways. It's not going very well for her, sadly. In the meantime, she and I have grown closer; we talk more, spend more time together. One day, she said, "Why can't my mother be more like you?" I know my mouth dropped open, I was mind-boggled. Frankly, I feel sorry for her parents, at all they are missing, because they'd rather be right in their own minds than have a good relationship with their daughter. Plus, they are missing out on time with their grandsons. Foolish people.